well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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