Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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