I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
