I just saw a hot homeless man
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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