I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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