You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
