I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
