There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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