So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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