farters have to be the big spoon...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
