Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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