Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize