david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
