do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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