I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
