just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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