Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
