You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
