I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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