I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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