i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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