I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
