May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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