He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
