Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize