Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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