it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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