I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
