he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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