he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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