I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
