Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize