Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
