i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
