I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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