Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
