Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
