I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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