Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
