It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize