I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
