The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
