I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
