i think my tv is drunk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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