You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you win again, gameday.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
