He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
