So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
