I love how my cats smell like pot.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
