Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
