For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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