I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize