Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
