She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
