How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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