i may or may not be watching the land before time
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
