this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize