You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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