Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
