So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
