What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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