Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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