I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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