Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
