we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
