I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
