I think my fart just growled at me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
