I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
