awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
