You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
