dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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