We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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