So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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