LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
