How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
