Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
