I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
