I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
