i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
