It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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