you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dick very happy bro
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
