your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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