I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize