I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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