We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
