I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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