I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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