the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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