We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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