Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
