Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
