so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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