I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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