she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
