i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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