I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
