I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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