you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
