Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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