no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
