If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
