Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
