My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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