you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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