i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
