He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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