made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let's paint friendship bongs
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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