I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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