they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
