He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
