why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
