Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
