I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize