Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Randomize
