I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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