Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
